“We are judged for being working moms and not being there for our children, and yet we are also judged for being stay-at-home moms and not working, we are also judged if we aren’t mothers at all.” Miki Agrawal

I listened to Miki Agrawal say this and it made me pause because I’ve now been a stay-at-home mom, a full-time plus working mom, and I dealt with years of infertility struggles before we were able to start our family. And I judged myself through each of those seasons.

When I didn’t know if I would ever have a family, I felt like a broken woman. When I stayed home with my young kids, I felt guilty and privileged for not working, and now that I am working, I feel guilty that I’m not home after school to greet my kids.

The lesson for me here is to enjoy the season I am in, and stop judging myself and other women.

When I judge other women, I now realize it is because I am judging myself first. I’m working on not judging myself so that I can stop judging others.

My sister was staying at my house once watching my kiddos while my hubby and I were out of town. She was mostly there to get them off to and home from school. She had slept in her first morning and my son had gotten himself out of bed, ready for school, and was in the kitchen making himself oatmeal for breakfast, not the instant kind. He was in second grade. My sister was honestly a little shocked, but also impressed when she walked into the kitchen and saw him at the stove. She sent me the most loving text. It said, “The love you have for your children is apparent in the way you are raising them”. That’s what Merrilee Boyack’s  training plan is really about. Loving our kids enough to set them up for success, by teaching them skills and the importance of hard work.

Make a plan outlining what you want to teach your kids

Boyack outlines how to make a plan for training our children, with a focus on life skills, including teaching children about money, which, she says, “is one of the most neglected areas of parenting, with some of the most harmful impacts”. We can use this plan to help our children grow up, not just get bigger, by refusing to do the things for them that they can do for themselves”. If we see that our child doesn’t know how to do something, it is not an opportunity to do it for them, instead, it is the perfect opportunity to teach them.

Parenting is a begin with the end in mind kind of journey. Essentially, our role as parents is to work ourselves out of a job. I have a friend who still makes her college kid’s lunches. Um, no! When my family is making lunches for a day out, my kids make me sandwiches, not the other way around.

Write your plan out

Boyack says, “Most parents haven’t even thought about having a parenting plan, much less actually writing one down. They have a vague idea that they will feed and clothe their children and watch them grow until they are big enough that the government says it’s legal to send them out on their own. Perhaps somewhere along the line they might teach them a thing or two. But most parents approach parenting on a day to day basis,” instead of starting with the end in mind.

Believe in your kids

Kids are capable and should be participating in family responsibilities at a young age. 18 years is such a short time, We’ve overcorrected as our lives have gotten easier, and don’t demand quite enough from our kids.

So, Here’s the plan:

Lay out what you want to teach your kids every year of their lives, so that you and they can see progress, and you will have taught them what you want to have taught them by the time they leave home.

What do you wish you had known before you left your parent’s house?

Making a plan is one of the most loving things we can do for our kids . In my house, we make meals together, clean the house, and garden together, except when my kids are doing it by themselves.

The goal is to give your kids knowledge and skills

Wouldn’t it be great if every kid who turned 18 and left home knew how to cook, change a tire, refill the oil on their car, invest in the stockmarket, and negotiate with a car dealer to get a discount off the sticker price?

Just as a side note, this book is written by a Mormon with a Mormon audience in mind, so there is a lot of Mormon-lingo that might be confusing. Having said that, I think the book is so valuable that every parent who still has children at home should read it.

When I had my babies, I thought I would grow with them and learn what I needed to teach them, but I didn’t. Babies don’t come with instruction manuals, and no one told me what I should teach my kids. I read a lot of parenting books. Some were good, and some honestly were rubbish, but Merrilee Boyack’s The parenting breakthrough is one I would gift to every parent if I could without offending them, because really, who gifts parenting books? Ok, Me, I do.

You can visit Merrilee’s site to download her plan and modify it for your own needs.