Someone has ever said to you, “I’ve heard your kind of hardcore.”
You’ve calculated your grade and made the case to your high school English teacher that she miscalculated when she gave you an A- instead of an A.
You return to work after a vacation, things don’t piss you off as easily, and you think, “Huh, maybe vacation is useful.”
You work 16 hour days 7 days a week, and think, “I can do this forever.”
A friend says of someone else, “She runs until she makes herself throw up, can you believe that?!” And you think, “I get it, just a little bit. I get it.”
You have to practice relaxing and enjoying downtime and social situations that have no purpose.
You work out as hard as you can, so that you’re not as hardcore with the people in your life.
You leave at the end of yoga class before final relaxation because you think it is kind of a waste of time, until the teacher calls you on it during class.
You’re in a group exercise class and the teacher tells you that you’re going to do Sprint intervals, and as you’re doing them, the other members of the class, who are sauntering, comment that you’re really sprinting, and you say, “I thought that’s what we were supposed to do.” . . . But then the others pick it up.
You don’t let your kindergartener play outside with friends after school because, “There are things to get done.”
You don’t have to read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother because you think, “I’m already the most up-tight mom I know.”
I hope you liked this list. I’ve done all of the above, but have stolen one from a friend, I’ll let you guess which one.
Basically, let go of what you are holding on to. Let go of the unnecessary.
I want to instill in my kids this one conviction: mistakes aren’t something to fear, they are information. We are not perfect, and if we are bold, we are going to make mistakes. Instead of trying to be perfect, let’s get curious about what will happen if we try something new.
Christine Gross-Loh’s book, Parenting Without Borders, opened my eyes and changed my parenting. It is one of the parenting books I most recommend. Gross-Loh is an Asian-American who had the opportunity to raise her own young family in Japan for a few years and observe their parenting approach. She then spent time travelling and researching other parenting practices from around the world.
Among other changes, bedtime changed around my house after I read Gross-Loh’s book. Like many parents, I looked forward to the time after my kids went to bed as my time. And I was usually bone tired when bedtime rolled around. My kids would linger in the livingroom, not going to bed until I yelled. Every night I yelled for them to brush their teeth and go to bed.
Our evenings changed dramatically after reading Gross-Loh’s book. Now we all read and cuddle together until I fall asleep. Don’t get me wrong, I used to read a bedtime story, but then I would try to send them to bed and they would linger until I was yelling with the desperate thought that I might get some alone time. The difference now is, I don’t care if they stay and cuddle as long as they want. I don’t care if they fall asleep next to me. They used to, but don’t any longer as they have grown. They kiss me on the cheek and wish me good night and wander to their own rooms.
This time with my kids is clutch now. I’ve given myself permission to spend this time with my kids, and I think this is going to be one of the best memories they have from their childhoods. I know it will be for me.
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