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Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.  JK Rowling

I discovered Harry Potter in college after book 3’s release. I confessed to a friend that I was spending every moment I could reading Harry Potter, and he accused me of being a potter-head. He said, “you’re doing potter when you should be doing your homework.”

I pre-ordered from book 5 on and read my copy while 3 other family members were snuggled up reading theirs, because we couldn’t possibly buy only one copy and wait for our turn to read. I remember when book 6 was released, reading it in line at the grocery store and noticing other shoppers doing the same. This is a picture of me at platform 9 ¾ at King’s Cross station in London last year.

We got to the station at 10:00 pm on our way back to my friend’s house who lives an hour train ride outside of London. She said that if you visit this spot during the day, your can pay for props like scarves and Harry Potter glasses and such, and wait in a line and pay to take a picture. We didn’t have to wait, or pay, but we didn’t have props either. You can see the doors in the picture for a shop next to the platform that sells everything Harry Potter.

I love Harry Potter because Rowling got kids reading who weren’t typically readers, but I also love her personal story. Poor thing got thrust into the public eye, and you can literally see her squinting in the spotlight. She didn’t like being a public figure, and never seemed to give a good interview, until her interview with Oprah .

JK Rowling gives her Harvard commencement speech on the benefits of failure. She had hit rock bottom in her life. She was a college graduate living on welfare and raising her baby alone. But she says, “Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began directing all my energy into finishing the work that really mattered to me. Had I succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena where I felt I truly belong. I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive.”  

She says, “It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all. In which case you’ve failed by default.” 

I think she was telling us to live boldly. Try to take our failures and build something great from them. Don’t let them defeat us.

There are many gifts, and to everyone is given a gift…to some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.   – Mormon Scripture

People fall on a personality spectrum. For example, some people are super type A and are always moving, and motivated to get things done. The other side of that coin is people who are super chill, and happy with the way things are. My sister lives 900 miles away so we only see each other on visits. I love this girl, but she moves at a different pace than I do. When I visit her, I adapt to her pace. We wander through grocery stores looking at the back of labels, discussing options and what products we like best. The girl is late to everything. I am the opposite. My life is pretty much a whirl of constant motion. She and I have talked about our goals before. She said that she has set a personal goal to take action when she sees something that needs to be done, instead of asking someone else to do it (her husband or kids). I laughed and told her that I had almost the opposite goal, I had set a personal goal to let other people do things I ask them to instead of doing it myself 10 seconds after I ask them to do it (my husband and kids). But there are things we have the opportunity to learn from each other. I can learn to relax a little, and she could learn to pick up the pace. Or we can just try to be the best versions of ourselves we can and offer our gifts to the world as they stand. We’re are all in this together, and it’s by design that we bring lots of different strengths to the table.

Do one thing everyday that scares you. Eleanor Roosevelt

Why? Why should we do one thing every day that scares us?

Jia Jiang has a ted talk where he discusses his fear of rejection. He forced himself to complete 100 rejection challenges to get more comfortable with rejection. He also posted a video showing the coolest rejection challenge where he asks a Krispy Kreme donut shop to make his donuts to look like the olympic rings.

I have a fear of rejection. Not the romantic kind of rejection, although I’m probably lucky I’m a woman, because if I was a dude, I doubt I would have had the courage to ask someone out. But I have an overall fear of rejection. For example, I don’t throw parties, because what if no one comes? I don’t stop to talk to people because what if they are too busy to talk to me? Well, I tell myself, I’ll just be too busy first.

I recently conquered a small rejection challenge: My neighbor was replacing his fence and I am on the hunt for reclaimed wood. I saw my neighbor outside working on his fence and decided to go ask what his plans are for his wood. Our backyards abut, but I had to walk around a few houses to get to where he was working. During my short walk, my mind started tweaking. I even did a 180 on the sidewalk as I tried to talk myself out of asking such a silly question. My mind started rationalizing: “We don’t really need that wood, we can get pallets from work. (Yes, my mind refers to me as “we”.) How are we even going to transport the wood if he says yes, we don’t have a trailer, we’ll be causing such a hassle, we’ll have to ask other people for help, including Damon (My hubby).” It was pretty funny to observe how my mind reacted to my decision to ask a neighbor for discarded wood. My mind freaked out so hard that I decided I’d better ask, just for the challenge. I approached my hard-working neighbor and asked him what his plans were for the wood he had set aside. He said I couldn’t have it, that he was planning on reusing it. And then we chatted for a minute. I didn’t get the reclaimed wood, but I did complete a rejection challenge, and I’m super proud of it.

This may seem like a silly example to bolder people. But most of us face uncomfortable situations, and we can empower ourselves to face challenges and grow our circle of comfort.

So, here is my challenge: Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Someone has ever said to you, “I’ve heard your kind of hardcore.”

You’ve calculated your grade and made the case to your high school English teacher that she miscalculated when she  gave you an A- instead of an A.

You return to work after a vacation, things don’t piss you off as easily, and you think, “Huh, maybe vacation is useful.”

You work 16 hour days 7 days a week, and think, “I can do this forever.”

A friend says of someone else, “She runs until she makes herself throw up, can you believe that?!” And you think, “I get it, just a little bit. I get it.”

You have to practice relaxing and enjoying downtime and social situations that have no purpose.

You work out as hard as you can, so that you’re not as hardcore with the people in your life.

You leave at the end of yoga class before final relaxation because you think it is kind of a waste of time, until the teacher calls you on it during class.

You’re in a group exercise class and the teacher tells you that you’re going to do Sprint intervals, and as you’re doing them, the other members of the class, who are sauntering, comment that you’re really sprinting, and you say, “I thought that’s what we were supposed to do.” . . . But then the others pick it up.

You don’t let your kindergartener play outside with friends after school because, “There are things to get done.”

You don’t have to read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother because you think, “I’m already the most up-tight mom I know.”

I hope you liked this list.  I’ve done all of the above, but have stolen one from a friend, I’ll let you guess which one.